


Let Go

by DarkJediQueen



Series: Rough [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Collar, D/s relationship, Domination, Established Relationship, Fisting, M/M, Submission, leash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25525933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen
Summary: Spencer can't let go after a case that almost took Aaron away from him.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Series: Rough [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/539281
Comments: 9
Kudos: 111





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> **Year** : Season 7  
>  **Spoilers** : Up Through Season 7  
>  **Notes** : Be please aware that this is part of a series but reading it is not really needed to enjoy this smut.  
>  **Beta** : ScarsLikeVelvet

Spencer looked at the people who were still gathered around the bus station. Will was over at the side with a medic working on him. He had been shot. Spencer hated that he hadn't been able to save him before he had been shot, but he had been able to stop him from getting blown up. Aaron was over at the side, making sure that the area was fully cleared of secondary bombs. SWAT was clearing everything under the direction of Aaron. It was hot, but Spencer's brain wasn't letting that clear his thoughts. This was not the time for that. He would make sure to remember it all so that he could play it through his head when it was actually the time for it.

Walking over to Will, Spencer sat down beside him on the back of the ambulance.

"I've talked to JJ. She kept Henry from seeing anything, and she made sure no surprises were left in my side of the duplex."

"You'll have to give a formal statement," Spencer said.

"I know. JJ's going to meet me afterward so that we can have a meal as a family."

"Things have been better?" Spencer had talked to JJ about what had happened when she had been removed from the team, hell from the BAU as a whole. JJ had admitted what had happened and why she had been acting out after coming back, and Spencer could understand, but he also knew that she had no right to be allowed back to work at any job without a thorough psych evaluation. She was good, but she wasn't good enough to fool them for a long enough time that she would have been cleared. There was a lot of blame to be passed around, and some of it lay at the feet of Rossi. So far, Spencer hadn't told Aaron any of it. It wasn't his place to tell him. JJ had not told him that he could discuss it with anyone but Will.

"Yes, she's been going to therapy a few days a week. She's doing talk therapy, and they are working on a pill regimen to help. The one that she started a few weeks ago has helped the most, so I think they are going to keep her on it. I still don't understand how something like that could happen."

"I still say that they didn't want to admit what happened that day, so they buried it all, and it was why when she was reinstated to the FBI, no one knew. Someone should have flagged that she had been part of a bombing and hadn't received care, much less that bombing making her lose a fetus. There was a case of gross negligence with that."

"She's already filing a complaint about it all at the urging of her therapist. Strauss, who all but forced her to leave to do a job, wasn't cleared for the people who didn't make sure that she and the others from that bombing got the help they needed. It's helped her a lot. She has letters for everyone, including Anderson. When she's ready, she is going to take them to the BAU and give them out."

"I look forward to that day. Is she still going to come over this weekend?" Spencer looked around again to make sure that he wasn't needed. There was a lot that he could do except being emotional support for Will.

"Yes. She wants me to come with her."

"The more, the merrier." Spencer saw Aaron looking around, and his body relaxed a little when he saw Spencer sitting beside Will. Aaron nodded his head. There was a lot more to do, and Spencer just needed to home on for a little while longer.

It became a little chaotic after that with Will being taken to the hospital when it was clear there were no more injuries. Spencer rode with him to get his official statement. He was also the one to take Will home where JJ and Henry were waiting for him. Spencer took his time explaining to Henry about his father's injury and how he was fine, but he needed to be gentle with Will. JJ hugged him extra long, but Henry was hungry and wanted dinner with both of his parents.

Then Spencer was at wit's end of what he was going to do. Jack was with Jessica for the weekend for a camping trip to a place she had gone to with her parents and Haley a lot when they were younger. Jack had been asking about camping, and he wanted to do more than just pitch tents in the backyard and camp out there. So far, Jessica wanted to keep it a them-thing, but Spencer knew that Jessica would have the four of them go after she had talked to Jack about all the things that she and Haley used to do. Haley wasn't a sore subject, but it inevitably made both Aaron and Spencer sad.

The house was clean; there was nothing for Spencer to do to clean up. The cleaning service had been in the day before. There were only a few dishes in the sink, and it was barely worth doing up a sink of water, but he still washed them, then scrubbed already clean counters. The rest of the team had been released to go home, according to the text from Aaron. Aaron was closing down the scene and getting it changed over while getting the final reports submitted. Spencer had sent his paper file to Aaron at the scene with a courier that had been sent to him to take it to Aaron.

Dark started to fall, and Spencer was still going around the house doing things that he didn't need to do. He was in the bathroom when he felt eyes on him. He looked over to see Aaron standing there.

"Clean up," Aaron said.

"Not until I'm done," Spencer said as he turned around to go back to sorting the medicine cabinet that he had scattered around him.

"Did I give you a choice?" Aaron asked.

Spencer just ignored him and kept on working on sorting the various things they had one hand. There was a small set of ones that were expired, and the reduced usefulness of them once expired meant that it wasn't worth keeping them on hand. He waited until he was done to find that Aaron had left the bathroom. Spencer swallowed as he stood up and put the medicine box and added the bottles of pills to another little box of things that needed to be discarded of in other ways. There were medication take-back days at the various hospitals so he could hit one and drop them off.

Washing his hands, Spencer looked at himself in the mirror. He saw the slightly frantic look to his eyes, and he knew that when he had been with Will, his leg had bounced most of the day. If anyone hadn't known him better, they would have thought he was a junkie coming down. He probably thought that a few of the nurses and Will's doctor thought that he was taking something. Given the way that Aaron had looked at him earlier, he was sure that Will had told Aaron.

Spencer took a deep breath as he shut off the water and then dried his hands. It took only a glance around the bedroom to find Aaron. Aaron was sitting on the bed with a few things spread behind him; he was dressed in a pair of jeans and a soft-looking T-shirt. Spencer couldn't see them all, but what he saw was the new collar that had been bought. It was a collar that was only for play. It had four D-rings on it. Royal blue, like everything else, was the color of it. Spencer swallowed. They had not used it yet. It was meant to be used with restraints to keep Spencer right where Aaron wanted him. It wasn't something that could be used too much in the bedroom, Spencer thought at least. There was every chance that they were heading down to the playroom after Aaron had talked to him.

"Here," Aaron said as he pointed down to the floor in front of him.

Spencer walked up to him and sunk down to the floor. The carpet there was extra soft, and Spencer loved it. He clasped his hands behind his back and waited for Aaron to tell him what to do. He knew that Aaron was upset that Spencer hadn't done what he asked. They weren't playing, but the look on Aaron's face had told Spencer what he had needed. Spencer felt that willful spark still burning inside of him. He needed, and he wasn't even sure what he needed. He couldn't verbalize it. Spencer felt the need to move build up in him again, and he moved a little.

"Still," Aaron demanded.

Spencer's body stopped, but his mind started to race. He felt the collar wrap around his neck, and it was buckled into place, but it didn't stop the feeling of his body feeling like it was going to break apart if he didn't move. His everyday collar was carefully taken off and set aside for Aaron to clean it before putting it back on him. Spencer tried to open his mouth to talk. Aaron had not given him instructions on what to do as far as that went. If he needed something, if he spoke up, Aaron would give it to him.

"Unless it's your safeword or yellow coming out of your mouth unless I ask you a question that needs a verbal answer, shut it." Aaron's tone was hard. It was closer to the work Hotch voice than anything else. "Nod if you understand."

Spencer nodded once.

"Good. Now, I have been texting you for two hours. You left your phone downstairs. I'm sure that you didn't mean to leave it down there, but I was worried. I called the house phone three times, but it was busy each time. I found that it had been off the hook for a few hours, I think since Jessica left with Jack this morning, so that is not on you, but after today, I didn't like it."

Spencer knew there was nothing that he could say to that. He hadn't noticed that his cell wasn't on him. He wasn't used to carrying it around the house. Normally it was in the living room or the bedroom. Aaron used a knuckle under Spencer's chin to lift his face up to where Spencer was looking him in the eye.

"I told you to do something, and you didn't. So that means that you are now under my mercy. You will have no say in a single decision made for the rest of the evening. Nod once that you understand."

Spencer nodded. It wasn't a nod that he agreed just that he understood. He knew he could stop it if he opened his mouth and said his safeword, but he didn't want to. He wanted, no, he needed whatever Aaron wanted to do to him. He felt like a million stars that were about to explode. He didn't want to stop, but he didn't want to keep on going either. He wasn't sure what he wanted, what he would agree to. In situations like this, Aaron only ever did things they had already done or things that Spencer had brought up, and they had talked about thoroughly.

"Strip," Aaron commanded and remove his finger from under Spencer's chin.

Spencer stood up and did as Aaron commanded for him to do. Aaron held out his hand for each piece of clothing as Spencer took it off. He laid them all on the bed. When Spencer was naked, Aaron pointed down again, and Spencer dropped to his knees. Aaron tipped Spencer's face up to where he was looking in Aaron's eyes. Spencer heard a click after a minute, and then something was tugging down on his collar just a little. Spencer didn't let himself think what it could be. Aaron would tell him or wouldn't. Aaron moved a few more times, and then he got off of the bed. Spencer felt him move around behind him, and then there were cuffs being affixed to his ankles, wrists, and thighs. That had to be what was on the bed along with the collar.

"I can see the fire in your eyes, and normally that would be something I would love to see there, but after your little display in the bathroom, I think I need to fuck that out of you." Aaron moved back around to stand in front of Spencer, his jeans covered crotch rubbed on Spencer's face, but Spencer didn't move. "Take me out."

Spencer unclasped his hands that he hadn't noticed he had moved behind his back again. He worked open the jeans and found that Aaron had no underwear on under. He gently pulled out Aaron's cock, finding it soft. He didn't do anything else. He hadn't been told to do anything else. Fingers worked into Spencer's hair, tightening right at the roots and pushing him into the flesh in front of his face. He could smell the musk of Aaron from a day of working, being in the open air. He didn't smell bad, just manly. Spencer wanted to take the cock into his mouth, but he hadn't been told he was allowed yet. He hadn't been given permission, and right now, the only thing holding him together was doing what Aaron wanted.

"Open up."

Spencer opened his mouth, but Aaron didn't let him move back at all to where he could take the cock into his mouth. Aaron was the one that moved, pulling back just a little and raising up on his tiptoes to just get the tip of his soft cock brushing at Spencer's mouth. The soft cock slid into his mouth with ease. It felt weird, having a soft cock in his mouth right off the bat. Usually, Aaron was only soft after Spencer had sucked him off. Spencer didn't know what to do now. Aaron started to harden inside of his mouth near instantly. Aaron directed Spencer's head, though, thrusting in and out with his hips while also rocking Spencer's head up and down on his cock.

Aaron fucked his mouth, giving him more than enough chances to breathe. Spencer's mouth started to get sore from being open and sucking as he was doing, but Aaron came before it became too much. The ache was just enough that Spencer felt a little rush of endorphins in him. When he was done swallowing, Aaron didn't pull his cock free of Spencer's mouth; he kept it there until it was fully soft, and Spencer had sucked it clean.

"Up," Aaron said as he finally pulled his cock free.

Spencer stood up, and he felt the leash brush at his body. He didn't look down, but it was small, and it was the only thing that it could be.

"Turn around."

Spencer turned around to where he was facing the door. He felt the robe that they used to go to and from the playroom in the basement draped over him, and then his arms were moved through the holes. Aaron came around to the front to tie the sash on the robe and give Spencer a kiss. It was a fully consuming kiss with Aaron holding his head in place and his tongue getting everywhere that it could inside of his mouth. Spencer tangled his tongue with Aaron's when he knew it would be allowed. There were small things like that Aaron allowed because it made it that much better. It wasn't fun to just kiss someone without them kissing back, Aaron had told him several times.

"We are going downstairs, and when you get into the room, you are to strip the robe off and get on your back on the bed. No talking, no moving other than doing that. Nod."

Spencer nodded his understanding. Aaron tangled his fingers into the leash and started to walk. He heard the movement of the robe but paid attention to little else. He followed along behind Aaron until they reached the room, and he did as Aaron told him to do. He tried not to fidget on the bed after he was laying on it. Aaron was moving around the room, and it was hard for Spencer to only look up at the ceiling. He felt the bed dip once, and Aaron was leaning over him and laying something on his stomach. It was like Aaron was doing his best to make sure that Spencer was tempted to do something wrong to see how long it took him. When Aaron did things like that, he never punished Spencer but would tut and make Spencer knew that he was upset. It was a boundary test but was one that Spencer didn't want to fail at all.

The lights dimmed in the room, and the light that was just above the headboard on the wall turned on. It bathed the bed in light, but it was diffused light, so it wasn't too much. It was enough to light up the whole area so that Aaron could see Spencer, and it didn't give Spencer a lot to look at that wasn't right there in front of him. Aaron reached up and took Spencer's glasses off of his face.

"I'm not going to blindfold you, but I do want you to focus on me and not the room." There was the soft thud that followed from the sound of his glasses being set on the table. "I bought a new restraint set for the bedroom the other day. I hooked it up a few days ago. I think today is a good time to try it out."

Aaron slid off the bed again but crouched down at the side of the bed before he raised up, and Spencer felt a tug on the side of the collar as something was hooked up to it. Aaron walked around the bed and did it again on the other side. Aaron got onto one knee on the bed and gently lifted up Spencer's head, and there was the sound of another clip. Spencer wasn't sure that that one was. His head was carefully laid down, and he looked up at Aaron's face above him.

"Try and move."

Spencer started to sit up, but he was stopped by three points. He looked to the side to see a rope going from his collar to under the bed. He looked the other way to see the same.

"They are tight ropes that do give. Still, you will find it hard to move your head at all. I bought a four-point restraint system for it. I can hook you up like I said I wanted to where you can't move your head at all when on your knees." Aaron moved to straddle Spencer's chest, his cock half-hard as it rubbed on Spencer's skin. He gently grabbed Spencer's arms and raised them up. He caged in Spencer's head with them before cuffing them both to a point there above Spencer's head. It was rare that he did that much anymore, given that Spencer usually got the locks picked. The cuffs though, were harder for him to do with the angle he was at.

Aaron pressed a kiss to Spencer's forehead before he kissed the tip of his nose and, finally, his mouth. He kept on going down until he started to attach the ropes to the cuffs on Spencer's thighs. Those restraints he was used to. Used to hold him open so that Aaron could fuck him how and when he wanted. It was thrilling to be spread open, his body totally unable to move. Aaron tightened the ropes attached to his thighs to where Spencer really couldn't move. He couldn't rock his hips up and down. Aaron had only ever put him like that once, when he had first used a sound on him, for fear of Spencer hurting himself. He tried to figure out what Aaron would want to do to him that would require this.

Spencer heard the drawer in the bedside being opened. There were a few things being laid out, and Spencer felt each thump on the bed.

"Now, I didn't give you time to do anything, so I'm going to do a simple enema on you really quick so that I can get to what I want to do."

Spencer nodded his head, knowing that Aaron would want agreeance to that. Aaron was gone a few seconds later. The enema was quick and painless and made for just their current sex scene they had going on. The thought of what was coming after had Spencer feeling like he was breaking apart again. That was one thing that Aaron liked to do, and for once, Spencer felt no need to try and get Aaron to not do it when he felt the first brush of tongue over his hole.

Aaron loved this act, and Spencer didn't wonder if Aaron loved it because it made Spencer uncomfortable. Not in a bad way but because he liked the fact that Spencer found it disgruntling, and therefore he never made the same noises as other acts that they did. Aaron worked his hole like that before tipping Spencer's hips up a little more, hands under his ass to do it. Tongue invaded.

"You can make all the sounds you want but no words," Aaron said, his lips brushed Spencer's hole as he said it, proving that he hadn't lifted his mouth up that far. Aaron shoved his tongue back inside of Spencer, forcing his hole to relax out of the sheer will of the pleasure that it gave Spencer to feel that.

There was no controlling the words that came out of Spencer's mouth as he took the pleasure that Aaron was giving him with his tongue followed by fingers as well. One finger and then when it became two, lube was added in. Spencer knew that Aaron kept his nails trimmed really close, but there was something strange about his hand at the moment. They were freshly clipped. Aaron usually did it on Sunday night. It was part of his grooming ritual to get ready for work the next day. Spencer liked to watch him sometimes. Seeing that focus that Aaron had as it was focused on something that wasn't him. He never felt jealous, even if it was jack that got that attention. Spencer had all that he needed from his husband.

Spencer felt the two fingers pull from his body, and he expected Aaron to fuck him next. To slide his cock into Spencer's body and fuck him hard and fast, purge the demons of the case from him.

"Will texted me that your leg wouldn't stop moving. It was bouncing, but it wasn't the bounce of the cravings you get on occasion. You didn't rub at your arm, or your wrists like you do when you are remembering being in that shack. So it was something else. So when I came home and found that you had gone into cleaning mode when the house is spotless and then meaningless tasks, I knew that you needed something to make you let go. To get rid of the thought that I was in danger on this last case. If I had been closer to the building like I had been just moments before, I could have been hurt. I meant it, Spencer when I told you that I would always do whatever I could to get back to you."

Aaron paused and pushed back inside of Spencer with three fingers. Spencer tensed for a few seconds because while it wasn't bigger than Aaron's cock, it was harder, gave less than Aaron's cock did, so Spencer felt full. Aaron worked those fingers in and out until Spencer's body adjusted.

"Yeah," Aaron said as he worked his fingers in and out just a little faster. "You need this. To give in and just submit in a way we haven't in a while. You need to clear your mind and just relax."

Aaron grinned at him before his eyes moved down to where they were pushing in and out of Spencer's hole. Aaron watched them for several minutes, and it always sent a shiver up Spencer's body. Aaron loved watching his cock and even his fingers disappearing and reappearing from Spencer's hole. Spencer was shocked that Aaron hadn't filmed it yet, from the angle they were at. Spencer felt the fingers slip out of him and then the sound of more lube, and then four were pushing inside.

Spencer bit his lip to stop himself from begging. He wasn't sure what he wanted, whether it was to have Aaron stop or keep on going. Aaron pushed those four in so damned slow that it felt like it was forever before he felt the last knuckles at the lip of his hole. Spencer wasn't even sure if he was keeping to the whole no words things. Aaron wasn't stopping him, wasn't yelling at him, so he didn't care.

"Ready for more?" Aaron asked.

Spencer forced his head to where he could look at Aaron. He wasn't sure what the man meant. He was ready for Aaron's cock; he had been ready two fingers ago. Aaron pushed his fingers in and out a few more times before he pulled it all the way out and added more lube. To his thumb and to his hand. Spencer swallowed and let his head drop back to the bed. They had discussed this several times. It had been Spencer that brought it up; Spencer nodded his head.

"Words," Aaron said, and his tone was huskier than it had been a few minutes ago, hell even than when he had asked Spencer permission to do what he wanted to do.

"Yes." Spencer closed his eyes. He felt things better when his eyes weren't stimulated. He wasn't in the position where he could see what Aaron was doing anyway.

Aaron rubbed his thumb over the ring of Spencer's hole for a few minutes, helping Spencer to relax some. His body-mind knew what was coming, and he was a little tense. As Aaron kept on doing that though, Spencer near melted into the bed. He felt the tips of the fingers pressing into him, and then there was the spread as four fingers entered him. Then as the fingers got closer to the second knuckles, he felt the swell, and then he could feel the edge of the thumb. Next was the first knuckle on Aaron's hand.

Pulling out his hand a little as Spencer's body started to burn a little where it was stretching, Aaron was just as gentle as he pushed inside again. It was a near-perfect repeat after a few more inches as Aaron knew Spencer's body almost better than Spencer did. He knew what it felt like, what moves Spencer did when he was too full or too much in pain.

Spencer stopped paying attention to the part of Aaron's hand, and arm was inside of him for several minutes. He just breathed, making sure that he was settled and calm. Then the part of the hand that was inside of Spencer moved. He gasped as he felt a fist or what he thought was a fist. It was a lot wider than what had gone into him.

"My hand is inside of you, Spencer," Aaron said.

Spencer had no words, even if Aaron would have allowed them. He had no clue what to say to that. He remembered what it had been like that first time that Aaron had put his cock in him. He hadn't allowed his mind to fully process how owned he felt in that moment, that had come years later when he had learned the full breadth of what Aaron's feelings were for him.

At this moment, Spencer felt owned. He felt like he was part of Aaron in a way that he so rarely felt before. Aaron had always owned him before; it just felt a hell of a lot more real in that moment.

"You are so tight right now. Your muscles are clamping down on me like they want me to stay but also leave. You are so hot and so slick."

"Aaron," Spencer was beyond stopping himself at that moment. He was going to beg. "Please."

"I'll get you there." Aaron pulled his hand out a little, to where it was pulling on the rim of his hole. He pushed back in slowly.

Spencer jerked on the cuffs for the first time as he was filled in a way that he had never been. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but with every single pump of the hand inside of him, Spencer felt himself letting go. Spencer had no way to track time as he lay there, taking Aaron's fist inside of him. He was so damned full.

"I don't think we will ever do an act that feels like this again," Aaron said. He shifted, and then Spencer felt kissed being trailed up his thigh to his knee. The angle of Aaron's fist inside of him changed just a little. "You would never have trusted me to do this before now."

"Aaron," Spencer said again, his voice caught, and he nearly came. He stopped himself as Aaron had not told him that he could, and he wasn't going to mess up like that right now. With Aaron inside of him in the best way possible. He was there on the edge of slipping fully into subspace, and he wanted it, he wanted Aaron to give that to him. He needed it and just fucking wanted it. Spencer felt another orgasm try and wash over him, and he stopped it again.

"I can feel that you grip my hand even tighter when you do that. Next one, let it happen," Aaron said.

"Yes, Sir," Spencer said.

Aaron didn't move any faster, but it was harder, better. Spencer made himself hang on as long as possible. Aaron only started to pick up speed when he was sure that he wasn't going to hurt Spencer. It was so caring, and that was so strange given that he was being fucked by a fist.

Spencer shuddered and came. He was pretty sure that he heard a sound of arousal from Aaron, but Spencer couldn't focus on that. All he could focus on was the feel of his muscles clamping down on Aaron's hand and wrist. The feel of Aaron's knuckles brushing against his prostate. It was a strange feeling and something that Spencer wasn't sure he liked but knew that he would like to feel it again to find out if he actually liked it.

There was not the feel of full sub-space for Spencer. He felt Aaron rub over his prostate again. Spencer jerked hard, his legs trying to free themselves and his arms jerking on the cuffs on his hands.

"Shh," Aaron said, and then a hand was brushing at his neck. He felt the pressure holding his head in place at the sides lessen but not the one holding his head down on the bed. Then there were a few seconds where Aaron's hand inside of him didn't move. It stayed there and then it was gone. Removed so slowly and with such care.

"No," Spencer begged.

"Shush," Aaron said.

Spencer felt tears warming his eyes and dripping down. There was the feeling of his legs being released. His world shattered in that instance and he rolled, he didn't care that his hands and his head were stuck. He turned to try and find Aaron. Aaron was right there, hands on his body as Spencer's world broke down to the most basic feeling. He didn't feel safe. Not until Aaron wrapped around him. He felt Aaron's hands, and there was something that was wrong, but his mind just couldn't connect it all. He noticed that his eyes were still closed. He wasn't sure what he was feeling.

Aaron tipped Spencer's face into his neck, and the collar was released. He inhaled deeply, and all he could smell was him and Aaron. The scent of their sex and their sweat. It was too much and not enough.

"You didn't nearly lose me; I was far enough away. We were all very, very safe. I made sure of that. Anderson made sure of that. We were all very, very fine."

Spencer wrapped a hand around Aaron's arm when his hand got closer to Spencer's neck. Aaron tightened his hand there, and Spencer settled down into the bed more. Spencer felt more tears falling. He purged his emotions as he finally felt safe. He let himself cry until he was emotionally wrung out. Aaron was there holding him the entire time. It felt good; it felt damned good. This right here was something that Spencer had been looking for his entire life. Someone who understood him even when he didn't always understand himself. He had almost lost it that day, and he didn't like that. There was nothing that he could do to keep Aaron there in a situation like it was today when the bank blew up. Spencer knew that Aaron knew that Spencer loved him; there were times when Spencer thought that he loved the man beyond the point of what was considered sane.

"Back with me?" Aaron asked.

"Yes."

"Good. How are you feeling?" Aaron asked.

"Better. A lot better."

"Tell me."

"I just remember the sound of the explosion over the comms. Then I was there, and you were covered in dust. You were fine, but I just couldn't shake it all. That's why I just couldn't keep my leg still. Then I was with Will, who could have been killed. I saw Henry losing his father, and it just moved to Jack, losing you. I hated that my mind wouldn't stop. I had to do small things to hold on to what little bit I had left. I just...I didn't mean to disobey you. I was doing what I needed."

"I know, and we weren't in a play scenario, and we weren't engaged like that. I could tell you were barely holding on. That's why I didn't press it. I understand you, Spencer. Are you doing better?"

"Yes."

"Good. I don't like that you refused me, but I understand why and I made sure that I was ready to take you down to help you. Your emotions still scare you."

"I learned at a young age that showing emotions met with my mother freaking out or my father leaving. I can do the smallest emotions, but today just overwhelmed me. I had to push it all aside to get the case down, and that didn't help, but it needed to be done."

"I know." Aaron's hands were still just rubbing and touching him all over. He tried to hold onto it all, but he was a little too gone. His emotions were purged, and he felt worn out. He was safe, and there was nothing else nagging at his mind. There was nothing left for him to go but to lay there and just be.

"I love you," Spencer said as he fought the grip that sleep had on him. He needed Aaron to hear the words.

Aaron chuckled and pressed a kiss to Spencer's still sweaty head. "I love you, too. I'll wake you up in a little while, and we can take a bath to clean up then get some more sleep."

"That sounds really really good," Spencer said. He let his eyes drift closed, and his body mold to Aaron's. There was nothing between them as there usually was when they played, but he was grateful he wouldn't have to get dressed even when he woke up. He wanted no barriers, nothing to make him think that Aaron wasn't there with him.

# The End

**Author's Note:**

> I write fanfiction for fun. It's a hobby and a stress relief. I refuse to stress over my writing. What you see is what you get. Errors, plot holes, and all. Thank you for reading my story!
> 
> I can be found on MeWe [here](https://mewe.com/i/beccaqueen1), join me there and we can discuss my fics and whatnot.
> 
> Check out my two Quantum Bang fics that went live this June.  
> Teen Wolf's [Fail. Try Again. Fail Better.](http://quantumbang.org/fail-try-again-fail-better-by-darkjediqueen/)  
> Criminal Minds' [The Ache for Something More](http://quantumbang.org/the-ache-for-something-more-by-darkjediqueen/).


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